|what my apartment looks like these days|
i’m such a mix of emotions these days. i’m excited, sad, anxious, afraid, curious, and happy. lemme tell you, one second i can’t wait to move and the next second i’m tearing up thinking about moving. the emotions are pretty unexpected (at least the extremity of them), but i guess it’s only natural. i’m about to take a step into the next chapter of my life and with that come a lot of different emotions and questions. not all bad, but not all good. and when i say step, it feels like a huge leap into mostly a black hole. there’s a small light at the end of the tunnel since i at least know where i’ll be living, which is a serious answer to prayer.
can we take a second and talk about how apartment/condo/home/whatever shopping is the worst? in my opinion, it’s right up there with dentist visits and stepping on a seashell on the beach. my future roommate and i finally found a place that we’re really excited about and God totally made it possible for us to live there. just when i was starting to wonder if it would all come together, He reminded me that He’s in control and He knows what the next phase of life holds for me, including where i’ll be living. i can’t tell you how thankful i am for that.
back to my emotions. so, i was having an emotional hour the other day. i have a knack for stressing myself out. like really well. i was thinking about what i’m going to do for work and how it’s going to be so hard to not live near my sister anymore and how everything in my life is about to change. everything. the only thing that will stay the same is that i will still have my cats, thank goodness. so i was talking to Mike on the phone about how i’m stressed and sad and scared and he said something that totally changed my perspective on this whole move. he pointed out that this is going to be a new chapter in my life. my moving to Chicago is not just a move, it’s a life change. it’s my first certifiable step into adulthood, and with that comes a new season of my life. i hadn’t thought of it that way before.
with every “new chapter” in life, there’s going to be growing pains. it’s not going to be easy and it’s not necessarily going to be what you expected, but that’s part of the next chapter and that’s part of life. you learn, you grow, you experience things, and you hopefully come out in one piece on the other side.
i can say with absolute certainty that i believe that this next chapter is part of God’s plan for my life. too many things have fallen into place for this all to just be a “coincidence”. i’d be lying if i said that it takes away the fear and anxiety and sadness, but i’d also be lying if i said that i was afraid that it is the wrong decision. i feel so strongly that it’s the right decision, but it definitely won’t be the easiest way. but it’s in those times and seasons of life that you learn and grow the most, isn’t it? i have a feeling this upcoming chapter will be one that will leave a permanent stitch in the fabric of my life.
fancy poetic ending, huh? 😉